


How Did We End Up Like This?

by Sabby_Spice



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alana Beck- mentioned, Angst, Connor's just scared, Emotionally Repressed, Love Confessions, M/M, Zoe's only here for a second, confident evan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 21:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12992988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabby_Spice/pseuds/Sabby_Spice
Summary: Connor's playing a game called How Long Can I Avoid What I've Done and no ones a winner.





	How Did We End Up Like This?

He didn’t know how this happened, one second Connor was just talking to Evan on a park bench, he was a _teensy bit high,_ but nothing wild- and the next they’re kissing. No, they’re not kissing, they’re _making out._ Hot, passionate, totally messy and uncoordinated, _making out._

 

As soon as Connor processed what exactly he was doing he panicked. It wasn’t like he planned this, he jolted away feeling the shame already rising. Connor didn’t know what to do so he followed his natural instinct: repress, avoid, run.

 

“Yeah, so, cool, uh, see you tomorrow, Evan.” Connor stumbled out, going for casual, harshly tugging a hand through his tangled hair and jumping up to speed walk to his car.

 

“Connor, wait, we should-“

 

“Bye!” Connor cut him off with a curt wave hopping into his car and booking it the hell away from this park.

 

Part of him thought _Evan wouldn’t want me to drive high_ but a harsher part of him immediately chimed in _he also wouldn’t want you kissing him but, boy, did you fucking do that._

 

It was pulling into his driveway that finally made what just happened sink it.

“Fuuuuuuck.” Connor groaned, letting his head drop onto his steering wheel. He just went to the park to get high, he wasn’t planning on throwing himself at Evan when he texted him to come to the park. If he had just done what he usually does: go to the park, get high, come home, fight with Larry, and spend the rest of his night angrily sketching in his beat up old sketchbook, he would’ve been fine. Why couldn’t he have just done that? _Too late now_ , Connor though bitterly as he pulled himself from his car and made his way into the house.

 

As soon as Connor was through the door Larry was on him,

 

“Where exactly were you and why didn’t you tell your mother or myself that you were-” he stopped, scrunching his nose at the stench of weed coming off of Connor “are you _high_?”

 

“He’s definitely high.”  Zoe piped up from where she was sat on the couch on her laptop.

 

“Connor Murphy as long as you are under my roof you will-“

 

“I can’t do this right now.” Connor snapped, rushing towards the stairs. He just needed to be alone. He needed to think this through. Or Maybe he needed to forget everything, he wasn’t sure, but he did know that he couldn’t handle Larry’s condescension or yelling and he definitely couldn’t handle his mom’s disappointment right now.

 

“ _Connor!”_

_“Let him go, honey, he seemed upset.”_

_“Cynthia, we can’t just let him-“_

_“I know… I’ll talk to him in a bit, let him cool down, okay?”_

_“Fine. But I won’t tolerate this behaviour again.”_

_“I know, I’m sorry.”_

_“Don’t apologize, it’s Connor who needs to apologize.”_

Connor didn’t stay to hear his parents argue, he was surprised it wasn’t a full out screaming match today. Usually they scream when he does this. Slamming his door shut Connor paced his room, he couldn’t sit still, not after what he just did.

 

_Our friendship’s over,_

_I fucked up,_

_I ruined everything,_

_How could I ruin the one good thing I have…_

_Had._

He didn’t go to school the next day. Or the next day. Or the day after that. But finally, Larry convinced his mom to stop _coddling_ him and he was forced to go face the music. Evan hadn’t texted after what happened at the park. He hadn’t texted either but he assumed that Evan wouldn’t even want to look at him, never mind talk to him after he _kissed him, for fucks sake._ Connor was startled out of his self-deprecating internal monologue by someone gently clearing their throat behind him as he stared into his locker.

 

“Connor can we, uh, could we maybe talk? About the other night? Because I’ve been meaning to talk to you but, but _you weren’t here and I, I started to really worry and-“_

“Sorry, caught a cold, what’d I miss in English?” Connor breezed over what Evan had said. He couldn’t believe Evan was here, he wasn’t going to mess this up. They could forget it ever happened. _Right?_

 

“No, see, Connor I really want to talk about it.”

 

_Briiiiiiing_

Saved by the bell, _thank god._ “Let’s get to class, don’t wanna be late do we?” Connor threw a cheeky smirk at Evan as he made his way towards their English class, Evan quickly trailing behind, trying to catch up to Connor’s long strides.

 

“Slow down, it’s not fair that you’re taller than me!”

 

“Of course, _my bad.”_ Connor said sarcastically nudging Evan playfully but slowing down, none the less. Connor could get through this. _See, you’re already getting back to normal._

It took until the following Saturday night, Connor laying on one end of the couch with his legs sprawled over the arm, Evan on the other side, for Evan to bring it up again. They were watching The Lorax, it was Evan’s turn to pick the movie, and in a moment of silence Evan took the chance. “So, about last week, I-I thought we should, y’know- um- talk a-about the park, the- um- ki-“

 

“I’m gonna make popcorn.” Connor scrambled off the couch. “You’ve got popcorn, right?” he yelled from the kitchen. Evan was left on the couch sighing, _Connor really wasn’t making this easy._

“Yeah, in the cupboard, top shelf.” Evan yelled back, resigned that they weren’t talking about it today, _I guess._ He just wanted to- _whatever, he’d bring it up another time._ They spent the rest of the night in awkward silence before they exchanged a slightly tense goodbye and Connor went back home.

 

 

The following Wednesday they were back at Evan’s house after school. Things had been _slightly_ more comfortable since Saturday night’s confrontation but Connor could tell that Evan wasn’t about to let this go and it _scared the crap out of him_. He wasn’t ready to lose Evan, and if that meant snubbing him every time he brought it up, _well then so be it._

 

Evan had this furrow to his brows as they sat on Evan’s bed, he was doing homework and Connor was sketching. Connor couldn’t ignore the look of frustration on Evan’s face any longer and finally asked “What?”

 

“I’m sorry?” Evan started, caught a little off guard.

 

“Are you having troubles with your Pre-cal homework because we could do something else, I’m sure Alana could help you tomorrow if you-“

 

Evan was done with this, “No. I’m doing just fine in Pre-cal. What’s bothering me is that I’ve been trying to talk to for a week and-“

 

“Nope. No. Not talking about this, I’m gonna go have a smoke.” Connor tried fleeing Evan’s room but Evan caught his wrist. “No, you _will not.”_

“Evan, just forget about it.” Connor was looking anywhere but at Evan.

 

“No, I’m st-standing my ground. I-I want to talk about it.”

 

“Evan, I said _drop it.”_ Connor was starting to get agitated, still avoiding looking at Evan. He didn’t need this, he pulled his arm away, ready to leave the room when Evan shouted

 

“You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen because, guess what? _It did,_ and it’s all I’ve been able to think about! Connor, why did you kiss me? Did you mean it? P-please tell me.” Evan had started confident but as he went on his voice grew quieter, shakier, less confident.

 

Connor finally looked at Evan and his heart immediately sunk into his stomach. Evan was red faced and shaky, his hands curled tightly into fists, tears gently slipping down his cheeks.

 

“I-I’m so sorry Evan.” Connor couldn’t cry, nope, he wasn’t going to cry, too.

 

“D-did. You. Mean. It.” Evan was trying his best to be confident but he let out a quiet sob.

 

“I did.” Connor whispered so quietly, shamefully, his chin tucked down, letting his hard fall in front of his face.

 

“What?” Evan whispered back, swallowing another sob.

 

“I did!” Connor shouted “I- I meant it...”

 

“Then do it again.” Evan took a step closer.

 

“What did you-” Connor’s head snapped up, eyes wide in disbelief.

 

“Do it again.” Evan said more confidently. He wiped his tears and took another step closer.

 

Connor just stared at Evan, _is this a joke? He couldn’t possibly-_

“Fine, I will!” Evan closed the distance between him and Connor, throwing his arms over Connors neck, he kissed him with all the intensity that a boy who’d only been kissed once before could muster. Connor immediately snapped to it, he wrapped his arms around Evan’s waist and pulled him even closer.

 

It wasn’t perfect. Their teeth clacked a little- _a lot-_  and they had to stop because Evan started giggling but it was just so… _them._

“I can’t believe you just did that.” Connor shook his head in disbelief, an enormous grin on his face.

 

“I can’t b-believe you avoided talking about it for, for a week? A week and a half?”

 

“What can I say, I’m the king of repressed emotions.”

 

Evan stared up into Connors eyes, “Well, you don’t have to be anymore.”

He pecked him on the lips, “Not with me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm no writer but I have a huge project due in like a day so this seemed like the perfect time to start! If you liked it let me know, thanks! :-)


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